Understanding the Behaviors Associated with Biting

Biting is a very common behavior seen in young children, and it is a great opportunity to learn about your child’s unmet needs. There are various reasons as to why a child might bite which we will explore more below, but for now let’s gain an understanding on early child development.

Social-emotional development

The first five years of a child’s life are the most important for many reasons. This is the time when they learn basic life skills like language, empathy, and social engagement. Because they are inexperienced and learning everything all at once, it is easy for little ones to become overstimulated. Without the proper language skills and ability to self-regulate emotions, the feelings of overstimulation or big emotions can be manifested through physical outlets, such as biting. There are things we can do as caregivers to identify these behaviors early and manage/prevent them as they arise. Before getting into that, however, it’s important to understand the different reasons that a child may bite.

Biting could be due to

- Teething pain

- Exploring cause and effect

- Oral-motor sensory stimulation needs

- Imitation

- Needing to feel in control

- Attention-seeking behavior

- Self-defense

- Communicating wants/needs (hungry, thirsty, or sleepy)

- Communicating feelings (scared, overstimulated, excited, etc.)

What we can do to help

First and foremost, it’s important to understand your child’s abilities so that you can set realistic expectations for them. Remember that age and development are not the same, so what one person’s three-year-old is capable of does not equate to what your three-year-old is capable of. Just like with most behavioral challenges, maintaining consistency works wonders. Keep a regular routine so your child knows what to expect each day and help prepare them for transitions adequately (for example, “Lunchtime is in ten minutes, then after we eat it will be nap time.”). Giving your child resources to manage their feelings is another very effective approach. Yoga, deep breathing exercises, and even a positive physical release (such as jumping or kicking a ball) can help to regulate emotional distress. Positive guidance techniques, such as gentle reminders and clear communication, help to show children what their expectations are. For example, “When you’re done with your blocks be sure to put them in the bin”. Lastly, reminding your little one that teeth are for chewing and not hurting friends and redirecting them to something that is appropriate to bite, like a teething toy, also reiterates expectations.

How to respond to biting

The most important step of responding to any challenging behavior is remaining calm. Refrain from using words like “bad” or “mean”, and rather give them a reminder (in a manner that is appropriate for the child’s development) that biting is not appropriate. As children grow and mature, you will see that this behavior becomes less common. If your child is around preschool age, it is less likely that you will experience biting from them, however it is still possible. At the preschool age, most biting stems from underlying emotional distress. In situations like this, it is important to address the issue head on by talking to the child and gaining an understanding of their emotional well-being. In these situations, it is also a great idea to communicate with your child’s teachers and other caregivers to see if they’ve observed the behaviors, as well.

Dos and don’ts of addressing biting

Do:

- Address the behavior promptly and in a serious manner and serve as a resource for positive conflict resolution.

- Discuss with your child about how they were feeling prior to biting, as well as following the incident. Brainstorm with your child ideas to manage those feelings without having to bite.

- Continue to observe your child for any signs that can give you a deeper understanding of their needs as well as possible triggers.

- Reinforce positive behavior by acknowledging appropriate interactions, as well as leading by example.

- Regularly re-evaluate your expectations to ensure they are developmentally appropriate.

- Set boundaries with words such as “no thank you” or “stop” and encourage your child to do the same.

- Offer foods with a variety of textures to help satisfy sensory needs.

Don’t:

- Label the child as a “biter”, as this can negatively impact their self-esteem.

- Bite a child back.

- Get angry, yell, or shame.

- Give too much attention to the actual act of biting than the underlying issue.

- Force a child who was bit to spend time with a child who bit them.

- Punish the child for biting, as punishment does not help the child learn how to regulate their emotions and correct the behavior.

We acknowledge that biting can be dangerous and frustrating, however it is developmentally appropriate for toddlers and young preschoolers. If you have a kiddo in your life that has a habit of biting, remember to give them - and yourself - a bit of grace. We’re all learning, so let’s do it together.